Balancing Act
by Voice-from-the-darkness
Summary: Amy is the result of another attempt to recreate Dr. Erskine's serum, with a very different result. Ten years later, she is a part of the Avengers Initiative and still not under control of her powers. Amy soon finds that trying to balance her guilt, self control, and confusing feelings about Tony Stark is harder than it seems. TonyxOC, suicide attempt, may change to M
1. Steam

_ Ugh, I need a shower_ Amy sighed to herself. She couldn't wait to get back to the apartment after spending all day in training and just lose herself in a cloud of steam. For the time being, everyone was bunking in the spare rooms of Tony's gigantic apartment in Stark Tower. Tony had his own bathroom, but she, Steve, Clint, Bruce and Natasha all had to share. She wasn't exactly sure where Thor went at night but she knew it wasn't somewhere in the building. They were all pretty comfortable with each other, at least to the point of being able to come in and brush their teeth while someone else was showering. Which, to Amy, seemed pretty comfortable.

Reaching the bathroom, she smiled to herself as she shut the door and and stripped. Since she didn't have a "suit" like everyone else they had just issued her a S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform until she could get one. The stretchy, breathable material was comfy, but the fact that it left very little to the imagination was not.

Amy pulled her dark hair out of its usual braided bun and it tumbled down to the elastic band of her underwear. She never wore it down, no one had seen it like this since the day Agent Coulson fond her. He was gone now, so she was the only one left that had seen her in such an unguarded state.

She didn't have anything when he found her... not even clothes. But Amy didn't want to think about the past. Or the present. Just... nothing.

Pushing past the "Stark Industries" embossed shower door, she stepped inside the small tiled room that was the shower. She turned the hi-tech contraption to her favorite setting: very hot with as much steam as possible. Amy leaned against the back wall and glared at the shower door. Why did he need his name on EVERYTHING anyway? The cups, the soap bars, even the socks she had to borrow were knitted with the little logo.

She hated being around Tony, with his cocky smirk and inflated ego. She had to clench her jaw almost every time he spoke. But, still... she couldn't banish the images she saw when she closed her eyes. His hands in her hair... their faces together... bodies against each other.

"Stop it." Amy told herself, then closed her eyes and lest the steam consume her.

She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there, or even when she sat down. But one instant she was lost in the darkness and the next she was shocked awake by a blast of icy water. Immediately one her feet and in a defensive position, Amy whipped around to glare at the figure in the doorway

"Didn't mean to startle you... but Natasha's gone and no one else was brave enough to dome in. Are you coming to dinner?" Tony asked, turning the waster back to a normal temperature. He didn't seem at all bothered by her nudity, nor the fact that he was standing in the shower with her

"How long have I been in here?' asked Amy

"Um, about three hours. Trying to flush out the gamma radiation?"There was the smirk again. She wanted to punch him.

Amy avoided his eyes while she crossed her arms over her chest in a vain attempt to cover herself. She noticed his gaze was set unswervingly on her face

_at least he's not staring at-_

"We're having tacos. Nice tattoo by the way,"

_Damn it_, "Thanks." she replied, shoving past him to get a towel

"I knocked for five minutes just so you know. Don't want you to think I just came in and invaded your naked time."

"Yeah. Whatever. Out, please."

She crossed to her room and pulled on s S.H.I.E.L.D. tee shirt and sweatpants. Hair back up in its bun, Amy headed into the kitchen.

"Tacos!" Bruce proclaimed while setting the components on the island counter. He had been so much more cheerful since the battle ended.

Natasha usually ate in the kitchen with Amy, but since she was gone Amy was left alone as thew boys shuffled into the living room.

"Why don't you ever wear your hair down?" Tony asked

"You need to stop popping up like this..."

"But why don't you?" he pressed.

"Because... it's the only thing I have. Its like my secret or something. And it's the only thing that didn't change after..." She didn't want to continue. Why was she telling him?

"So you're... protecting the last piece of you somewhat?"

"Yes... I guess"

She hated this, feeling so vulnerable. They sat in silence for a moment.

"I'm done." She said, tossing her plate in the sink and storming into her room.


	2. Attempt

Amy flopped down on the soft bed and pondered it. How it was in such stark comparison to the hard ground she slept on for so long, and the canvas cot before that. She wasn't exactly sure when she drifted off to sleep, or when her dream began but suddenly she was back in the cold, sterile lab. Amy was only in the room twice, but every aspect of it was burned into her memory...

_ "This is the closest we've come to Erskine's serum in sixty years, lets hope it turns out this time"_

The sound faded in and out. Then, burning, and light. But the pain wasn't from the light, it was coming from under her skin, burning in her veins. The light was warm and comforting, but she knew its true effects were not.

Somewhere between the haze of light and the pain that made her head spin, Amy thought to look down at her body. It was shifting, changing shape, and color. Her once ivory skin had now taken a deep olive color. Arms and legs elongated, torso lengthened as the burning spread throughout her being. It crept up her neck and fire blossomed across her face. She heard screaming. Her own? No, that wasn't her voice. Or...? Was it?

The machine shut off and the door in front of her opened. The worried faces of the med staff appeared above her.

_ "I guess it worked" _a voice said. They helped her up, everything was sore.

She looked up at Director Fury, the closest thing she'd ever seen to happiness on his face. He said nothing, only handed her a mirror. Amy raised it to her face... and someone else stared back.

Awaking with a start, she launched herself out of her bed and was in the hallway

"JARVIS, how do I get to the roof?"

"The elevator at the end of the hall ma'am" the AI answered

She reached the already open elevator and jammed her thumb against the "R" button. She didn't even notice tears were streaming down her face until the doors opened and the wind hit her

Meanwhile, in Tony's room, JARVIS intervened.

"Sir, I believe there is an emergency on the roof" The lights suddenly blared

"suit!" Tony attempted to say, stumbling out of his bed

"Not a security emergency, sir, It's Miss Anderson. I have reason to believe that she may attempt suicide"

Tony was bolting to the elevator the second he heard Jarvis' words. The door opened and he saw her there, standing on the ledge.

"Amy, stop!" he shouted

She didn't have to turn around for Tony to know she was sobbing. Her voice shook as she spoke,"Why s-should I? Things would be so... so much simpler."

"You know why, you were brought here to_ help _people" He slowly began to move toward her, "What you have is a gift, Amy"

"I have yet to see it do any good."

"That's because you didn't have a way to channel it properly before, now we do."

"Yeah but that's here. In this safe, controlled environment. What about out there? When we're in the middle of a huge group of people and I can't control myself? We had a way to keep people safe before, you know. It was locking me in a cell and never letting me see the light. This is basically the same"

"No, you know it's not. We want to work with you, help you. What we do during training is to protect you as much as it is to protect us and the rest of the world."

"You sound just like Fury, so much hope. You can't see what I've done. The blood on my hands is invisible to you." She began to lean forward

"Please! Amy! Just listen a moment. Think about all the bad things you can prevent, all the people you can save!"

"That wont make up for the thousands I'ive hurt. So many lives have been ruined because of me! This is the only way I can repay them."

She was leaning forward, one foot off the edge when her seized her. With his arms around her waist the combination of her flailing and his pulling knocked them to the ground.

Tony sat up with Amy still wrapped in his arms and hugged her to his chest while she cried. For hours she stayed curled up against his soaking tee shirt. The last thing she remembered before her eyes slid closed was the cool glow of the arc reactor next to her and Tony's strong arms lifting her from the floor.

Amy awoke the next morning to a note on her bedside table.

"Told Fury about last night. He said not to come to training.

I think you should just stay in bed today, have JARVIS get

Pepper if you need anything. And don't feel bad, she volunteered.

~Tony"

Amy rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. She didn't fall back to sleep, but just lay there for several hours. Her mind was as blank as the drywall above her.

Then there was a knock at the door.

"Amy? Are you awake?" Pepper's voice whispered.

Amy sat up," Yes." The door opened a crack

"May I come in?"

"Of course."

Pepper pushed open the door and entered carrying a small tray. On it was a cup of coffee, a muffin, and a daisy in a vase. "Oh, Pepper, you didn't have to do this." Amy said

"I know, but I wanted to. And I know Tony said to keep you in bed, but I thought, if you were feeling up to it, we could do a little shopping and get you some clothes of your own." Pepper said, patting her shoulder.

"Yeah, that sounds great, Thank you." said Amy as she picked at her muffin

"Just come out when your ready" Pepper smiled and Amy couldn't tell if the look was one of sympathy or pity.


End file.
